My Recent Disappearing Act…

Hello faithful readers, the ones of you that are still there…. if any.. I feel like I owe the blogging world an explanation and maybe even myself a little explanation too I suppose and maybe if I write it all down things might start to sort themselves out in my head a little more.

So you may have noticed I haven’t really been around much recently, well there’s a few reasons for that. I could tell you all about how little time I currently have due to juggling 3 part time jobs. I could tell you about the sheer exhaustion after my operation and how working 3 jobs to try and financially catch up with being off work for over a month when you don’t get paid sick pay doesnt help much with aforementioned exhaustion. I could tell you that I’ve been feeling rather low, fed up with the world and my painful aching body and wishing we had won even a few thousand on the lottery to make this whole year a tiny bit simpler. But I suppose one of the main, real reasons I haven’t written anything for a long time is that I’m fat. I’ve grown again. I’ve become a giant again and I feel like I’ve undone all my hard work from the last couple of years. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself, I’ve been through a lot and for the most part been unable to do a lot of things due to my illness but I need to stop making excuses. I don’t know how to re motivate myself… I’m trying so hard to build up my enthusiasm and start to make changes but the ooommph just fucked off and wont come back. I don’t know how I got that ooomph in the first place and I keep trying to look back on my own motivational posts from previous years and I know it. I know everything.. I know what I should be doing. I know how I should be doing it…. The problem seems to be actually doing any of it.

In exactly two weeks time I will be heading off to a brand new Bootcamp and to be honest I feel a bit of a fraud. I will be turning up at the heaviest weight I’ve been in this whole process, the most unfittest I’ve ever been and the most unmotivated I’ve ever been, and its a Bootcamp I’ve arranged, I’ve organised (by the way there are still places so let me know if you want to come along) and I just feel like a let down. If I hadn’t organised it, this would probably be one of those times where I would cancel because I do not feel like I’m in a Bootcamp kind of a place.

But therefore thats good right? That means I can’t cancel so I have to show up. I have to get Steve to kick me up the arse and help me to find that motivation again. I have to face this whole massive elephant in the room (thats what I’m calling my giant arse nowadays by the way) and face the fact that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

I will give myself some credit though and in the last 3 weeks I have joined a local council programme to get fit. It’s called Live Well and basically they have a session each week where you get weighed and talk about a different subject for example one week was about exercise, another was about food. They have lots of active classes you can get involve with across the city and I’m hoping it will give me a boost. It’s a 12 month programme so I’ll keep you posted on how thats going.

Another thing is that I’ve recently been back to the doctors to ask if this tiredness, sluggishness, aches and pains that I’m feeling all of the time (think flu like symptoms but without the snot) is something thats normal after gallbladder removal or if there’s something a bit off. So they did some tests and found out that my vitamin D is pretty low and could be the cause, so I’m on extra supplements of Vitamin D and I also realised that since my gallbladder started playing up I haven’t really been taking any of the multivitamins I used to take before, or drinking nowhere near as much water so as off this week I shall be pledging to drink more water to hydrate myself and also taking my vitamins to see if that will boost my energy levels. I also have some special tea that supposedly helps the liver to recover. Hopefully, this will be the last bit of fixing I need and once my inside levels are back to normal the aches and pains will subside and I will be bouncing around like a puppy dog all over again…. thats the plan anyway. But for now I need to take the tablets and continue to ty and muster up the energy, day to day to lift one foot in front of the other and try and get some steps in.

Keep your fingers crossed I recover soon. I’m bloody knackered! (And I’m away working at a festival all next week, although its my favourite week of the year!)

Anyway if you would like to come and join me at Bootcamp please follow this link which has all the info on it you need. BOOTCAMP BABY! I could do with all the help I can get so please think about coming to join me and bring a friend and lets have some fun (god knows I need it) and boost each other’s fitness along the way.